HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY FAVORITE LEO

Happy Birthday Grandma! I really don't have any profound words tonight. I miss you and love you!

One year today

It's been one year today since my dear, sweet, beloved Grandma Betty passed away.
Here is a poem I found online, I want to dedicate this to her memory from all of her children, grandchildren and great granchildren.

Grandma, we miss you and love you!!


Grandma your life was full of loving deeds,
Forever thoughtful of our special needs,
Today and tomorrow,
my whole life through,
I will always love and cherish you
There's magic in a Grandmother's touch,
And sunshine in her smile.
There's love in everything she does
To make our lives worthwhile.
We can find both hope and courage
Just by looking in her eyes.
Her laughter is a source of joy,
Her words are warm and wise.
There is a kindness and compassion
To be found in her embrace,
And we see the light of heaven
Shining from a Grandmother's face.
Everyone has their time
But why did yours have to come so soon?
There are so many people in the world
So why did God have to pick you?
They say things like this make you stronger
But how can that be?
I feel so weak inside
It all feels like a dream
I didn't get to see you
You passed away too soon
But I feel you watching over me
And someday I'll see you again

Andrea Nickel

Missing Mom

I am in one of those moods tonight, so bear with me. I miss my mom. It's a fact. Nothing has changed since 10/19/2007 at 1:30 p.m. when I received that ominous call. She is gone, I know. Dead, passed away, in Heaven, however you prefer to word it. Nothing changes the fact that my mom is gone and not coming back.

In a lot of ways, I feel I have done some healing. But, other times, I feel like I haven't healed at all. I have a few pictures of her around the house. There are times that I walk by them and don't bat an eyelash. Other times, I catch her smile out of the corner of my eye and start tearing up.

I am making oatmeal chocolate cookies tonight. Yes, at 10:00 p.m. but hell, it's a Friday night. :)And a favorite memory occurs to me. As a young and up and coming cook at the age of 14 or so, I would make cookies. But, my favorite trick bugged the piss out of my mom. I would make the entire batch of cookie dough, and cook ONE batch of cookies, just enough to satisy my sweet tooth. I would then, roll the rest of the un-cooked dough, into some plast wrap and put into the freezer. This drove my mom NUTS! She couldn't stand to find a buch of cookie dough balled up the freezer. This memory makes me laugh to myself, but makes me really sad too.

It is one of those sad moments that makes me realize just how much I really do miss her. One of those moments, that I realize that my daughters are not going to be able to laugh at this memory with my mom and I. I hate that she is gone, I am still so mad about it. I just want her here. I still don't know why she was taken. 52 is not old. It wasn't her time yet... They say that there are stages to grieving. I do not pretend to know the steps, the order, the psychology or whatever. I just know that I am still hurting, over a year later. The pain is still here and still fresh.

Small things remind me of her. I have a lilac scented candle that I love to burn in the spring. One of her favorite plants (flowers) was a lilac. She loved Fleetwood Mac, Neil Diamond, the 4th of July, Christmas, Thanksgiving... she loved her grandkids, she loved her children, still had a place in her heart for my dad, even though they were long divorced. Everything and anything reminds me of her. And it hurts, and it makes me sad... And it makes me so glad for the memories that keep her alive in my heart.

Momma - I know you are up in Heaven with Him, I know you are in a better place. I know you are whole again, I know you are happy, I know you are not in pain or grieving. I love you so much and miss you more than I even put into words. I know that someday I will see you again and that is one of the things that keeps me going in this really hard time. Please know that you are missed here. And loved. And missed even more.

Love you always. Janda.

Catching your smile...

"I'll catch your smile on someone's face
Your whisper in the wind's embrace
Through diamond stars and songs and dreams
I find your love in everything
The sun, the sky, the rolling sea
All conspire to comfort me
From sorrow's edge life's beauty seems
To find your love in everything
I've come to trust the hope it brings
To find your love in everything
Even as I fall apart,
Even through my shattered heart
I'll catch your smile on someone's face.....amazing grace."
~Beth Nielsen Chapman

Full Circle ~

FULL CIRCLE

You walked through my world;
In this dance we call life,
Dancing with me in joy,
Dancing with me in strife.

You gave me the song,
And gave me the chance;
To learn about love,
When you taught me to dance.

It was not just the music,
Nor the steps that we made;
But is now in sweet memories,
That never will fade.

For love was your music,
And life was your song;
You taught me the dance,
And how to be strong.

You showed me what love was,
Even in your goodbye;
Now we've come full circle,
In this dance we call life.

So, dance with the angels,
And may you find rest;
Your song's in my heart,
And my life, fully blessed.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

This is a picture of Kambrin with grandma; her youngest heart medicine. It was her birthday the day after Grandmas. I miss Grandma so much. I think our family is still struggling with the deaths and separations that endured our family in this last year. My wedding anniversary will be coming up shortly and with that I will always remember that 12 days later our family started a whirl spin. I can only hope that the strength of grandma starts to shine in on all of us. Maybe we should do what Kacy said, and all sit down and make her a birthday card and send it on it's way.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDMA,
Love forever your little Mountain Girl

Happy Birthday Grandma!!

This upcoming August 4 would have been Grandma's birthday. My birthday is the 6th, so we always shared a close birthday, as well as the both us being Leo's together.

It has only been five months since Grandma left us. And it feels like an eternity has passed. I know that she would not want any of her kids or grandkids to still be hurting and missing her, but I know we all do still miss her.

I still cannot believe that she is gone. Last year about this time, I would have been sending her a card and calling her up and wishing the both of us a Happy Birthday. I think instead, this year, I will be taking flowers to my Mom's and Grandma's headstone in the Clinton cemetary to honor her birthday.

The scrapbook page above, is dedicated to the memory of our dear Grandma and with that being said, Happy Birthday Grandma. And I love you.